Once you are done with high school, going to college seems sooo exiting… new people, new professors, new places, new experiences, growing up! The first year is like nothing else! All these parties and interesting things you learn. As years start passing by and you start thinking about what would you like to do in the future, as a professional.
What’s going to happen after you graduate?... are you going to get your dream job? A super salary? Lots of traveling? Or are you going to end up in a desk you hate, doing something that’s totally annoying for you, for like 30 years until you retire?
Going to college gives you the schedule for aprox. 5 years of how is your life going to be like, and of course it comes with little twists from destiny, but everything is kind of set.
When the end is coming, you are taking your last semester, and wondering, what does life have for you, the feeling of not knowing is so scary but at the same time so exiting. Anything could happen, the world is yours and you are the owner of your life. From the moment you are out and on, you are an independent person and completely responsible for yourself.
So I’m sitting here, about to graduate and thinking… What’s next?
What if you go through a stage of your life that fools you? … at the beginning it seems perfect, is everything you’ve always wanted, you let yourself go with it. Priorities change, your thoughts change, everything is different now. It’s a whole new world, but in the mean time that you live that new experience with all your heart, the world keeps moving and things keep changing. But then, things start to unexpectedly change, it wasn’t that nice or perfect after all. Bad things start to come out and you feel miserable. You are not happy at all… and the worst part is that you have no idea how to get out of that hell, you’ve thrown yourself into, and regardless people warned you about it. But you are to deaf and exited to listen, your stubbornness speaks for itself and you just think that whatever your plans are, they are the best.
Time passes by; you change yourself so much, that you don’t even recognize what you’ve turn yourself into. As my mom used to tell me (and of course I didn’t listen to her) “if you have to change who you really are to be accepted, there will be a point where you won’t be able to stand it, and you are going to fall apart”. Well… guess what? She was totally right. Yes, when you are young, it’s hard to accept that your mom was right.
2 years after, I was miserable, I had totally changed, I had no friends, my smile changed, it wasn’t as it used to be, I wasn’t able to enjoy life. I lost my self somewhere in my soul, just because I let someone else control me. When I look at my pictures (in those 2 years), I feel sorry for myself. It’s pitiful, because they were supposed to be the happiest years of my life, and they were completely the opposite.
But one day, everything changed. It was over. I was extremely sad, and devastated. But on the other side, I was relieved. I was able to be myself again. There were not any types of constraints anymore. I was able to re-build my life again, this time from zero. But the mixed feelings I had, made me scared of going out there again, alone.
The thing was that, as I mentioned before, the world kept spinning those years that I was apart from everything. So I discovered that all the friends that I left behind, they had changed. All the things that I left behind, they had changed. And me, myself had changed soooo much. I was more mature, and was more focused on specific goals.
I was happy to recover my life, but when I went to look again for my old life, it wasn’t there anymore. It had evolved to something I didn’t necessarily like at that point. I didn’t have anything in common with my friends no more, or with the old me.
Now, I’m here, letting myself heal the wounds from this not so far past, looking forward to life, and new experiences and friends. And wanting to tell this: never lose yourself in a relationship, even thought it seems perfect, or the man of your dreams, your true essence is what makes you special, and if you have to let go must of the things you love, there will be a point were literally you’ll feel like dead every single day. And believe me, when you look back for all those things that you left behind, they’ll be gone… most of them for good.
